Friday, August 28, 2009

Can your people talk to my people and get me a job already?

Day 4, Internet cafe number... eh.

A woman just walked in to buy 10 bottles of water for her crew, "they're shooting just over there" she explains as the barista raises a shapely eyebrow. He helps her carry them across the street and I fantasize jumping behind the counter and stealing his job, you know, I just start serving people as they come in to take refuge from the heat.  Ugh, he's back.

Last night was so hot I couldn't sleep!  It felt like the apocalypse or something.  

Oh my god!  A girl just walked in wearing a pea coat!  What the hell???  I hope it's a costume, if not, I think she has a death wish.  Sorry, got side-tracked.

Anyway, back to the heat, as I lay on my bed (AKA: THE FLOOR) tossing and turning I thought about people in deserts, people in New York city or the deep south, other people with no fans and no AC and I felt a little better.  If they can do it I can!  I'm tough!  I can rough it, and really, I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge and I even have a car and a computer!  I'm a queen!

Le floor=Poor girl's bed. I think it's good for the back or something.  Really!

Draping wet rags over various body parts=Poor girl's AC.  Well it works until they get warm and then dry!  It's something.

Plus I think I can now market the newest fad diet.  I'm going to call it "The LA Diet", you know, like "South Beach", why try to be creative?  It consists of eating oatmeal for breakfast and rice and beans for every other meal.  And then making sure you are dripping in sweat all day and all night.  I really think I've lost at least five pounds this week. Seriously.  Oh!  And I can advertise in the LA Weekly right next to this:

Ok, so I've heard of "vaginal rejuvenation" thanks to an episode of "Californication" but could someone please explain the purpose of a BLADDER LIFT???  What???  It's only $2500.00.  I mean, should I be investing in this?

OK, time to get back to business.  I have a job to find.  Stay cool wherever you are and remember, as long as you're crazy and use your imagination everything is an adventure!  Or maybe the heat is just making me delirious, I dunno...

Oooh, 'water girl' is back and now "her people" want sandwiches!  This barista is not happy. His face is turning reddish.  Maybe he needs my help! 

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